This post is an entry in my journal from a year ago 1-14-13. I have never shared from my journal publicly, but perhaps you can relate?
” Clogged Drains – it may be a funny title, but it is very fitting! Yesterday was a very low, sad day. I felt the plumber would never come. I was told 8am-10am, but still not here. Everyone else was out going to church, eating lunch with friends and family while I was home with a clogged drain – not only physically in my house, but also in my body, mind and spirit.
For the past month and half, I have been without an appetite- for physical food or spiritual food. As I struggled through each day – working to make ends meet, nibbling on food just to gain strength so I wouldn’t fall over from low blood sugar – I would wonder if this would ever end? Why such dryness? Why such nothingness? Why LORD? How long?? Most of the time I would hear nothing. No reply. Once in a while I would imagine I heard “Wait”. And I would mumble… complain… and sigh. Many dear friends became prayer warriors as they too wondered what God’s plan was for all this desert land.
Then sickness took over the body. Fever shook my thin frame and the muscles quivered time and again in a weak involuntary attempt to warm a dying fire. “♫ Fan the flame…that burns in you… Hear God’s call…Let HIS Light through ♪!” (song by Buddy Davis) Each day I would get up, go to work, come home and fall into bed, weak and exhausted. Lord, how long? Your Word just seems so dry. I can read it but nothing sticks. So You will have to speak through another way.” I would listen to songs, but be sad because I didn’t even have enough strength to sing along. I wanted to count my blessings, but it seemed so pointless.
I had thought about Job. He had many questions for God – just like I did – and do. He had friends who tried to help sort out his life’s problems.
So as I waited on the plumber, I listened to a sermon online and anxiously looked outside. Made a few phone calls and got the reply “He is busy at another job. He hasn’t forgotten about you.” So I finally ate lunch, bleakly staring at my plate. SIGH. Can’t run water (the basement is already flooded), can’t flush the toilet, can’t go outside (it’s pouring down rain), can’t let the cat go downstairs (he stares in disbelief at his food dish and litter box half submerged in nasty sewer water! Then looks at me like “MOM! DO SOMETHING!”) I want to cry. I don’t even have tall enough boots to go get it so he can empty his bladder!
The clock hands turn around another hour. And another. I listen to school lessons as I watch the window. Another phone call. And another. “He’s on his way. He’ll be there in 30 minutes”. 90 minutes later- a knock at the door!! He stands there and his statement sounds more like a question – “RotoRooter?” YES! YES! Please pull around to the back door!! Relief floods over me and I want to sing… SING?! Instead I lay down newspaper and try to be as helpful as possible to get the drain unclogged. Open doors. “Right this way.” “Anything I can get for you?” My cat has taken refuge under my bed comfortor… (good lesson for me – I should’ve been resting under my Comfortor!)
As the hose uncoils from the “rooter” machine and the plumber handles it with such ease, I too begin to feel a “loosening” inside my heart. I feel happiness seaping in. Pretty soon I hear the machine turn off and the most amazing music starts playing – water gurgling happily down the opened drain pipe!
“What was it?” I asked. “Tree roots” his reply, as he showed me the fist full to throw in the trash. Hmmm, tree roots – is that what was clogging my heart too? Roots of self pity, anger, bitterness, pride, unkindness, unforgiveness?!
When I surveyed the scene, I knew I needed some bleach water to wash the floor and walls in some areas. So when the papers were signed and he drove away, he cheerfully said “Have a wonderful evening!” I replied with emphasis- “You too!”
While cleaning and scrubbing the floors and walls made my weakened body tired and my back pretty sore, it also invigorated me to clean and mop the floor upstairs too. My upstairs (brain) felt like it was being decluttered too from the filth and grime that had collected.
When all filth and grime had been removed – I felt a freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. I actually felt like preparing for work the next day! My cat was quite pleased with his new clean surroundings, but still a little unsure of the “blowing beast with the coiled snake” in HIS territory! (dehumidifier and drain hose).
So today I ♬ woke up this morning feeling fine -♩ I woke up with joy in my soul, ♪ ’cause I know my LORD had control ♫! Satan has been DEFEATED! I have fought the fight with GOD on my side- fighting harder! JESUS IS LORD!! ”
If you can relate to this struggle of feeling hopeless, depressed and forgotten, I encourage you to send me an email or message. I truly understand the struggle and now have hope and joy by using the tools my friends taught me. You are a VICTOR not a victim and you are conqueror through our LORD and SAVIOUR! Each time the enemy reminds you of your past; remind him of his future!! He is such a looooser!!
Blessings on your day, week, month and year!